i wish when i was her age somebody had given me the best advice i could give now - that life does go on, no matter how impossible that seems at the time. for every moment she'll wish time could stop, that she thinks she can't get through it, there will be a realisation that nothing is ever as overwhelming as the moment you're experiencing it. time has become cliched because everything they say about it is true - everything, no matter how important it was at the time, fades when enough of it has passed. like right now she thinks that not being one of the popular kids is the end of the world. i want to hold her tight - if that would be the end of her problems her life would be blissful, but it's only the beginning. high school is a microcosm of real life, with everything amplified and no time frame to console yourself with.

i remember thinking that if i didn't get out of my home town i would die - how melodramatic i was, but i can only see that from a distance. at the time i swore that i would make it out no matter the cost, and so i did. maybe it's only right that we don't know that life will go on regardless - if i'd thought that life would continue whether i got out or not i would've shot myself then and there. once again i sound melodramatic, but i truly mean it - something greater than customer service and minimum wage runs in my veins. billie once told me that the first step to greatness is wanting to want more than you have - and i've wanted that since i was a child.

it also says everything necessary about my life. for all the moments i wasted wishing time could go backwards, or leap forwards, or stay exactly as it was then, i could have done so much more. i think that's why i have so much trouble living in the present - because i want something that's far beyond my reach. when i look back at who i was i'm glad that time is always moving forward, i couldn't be that girl again. but while time always goes on, dreams do not - and i think that's what i'd tell her now. dream as big as you're able, because everyone needs a dream.

i am a dreamless dreamer and it's killing me.